i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
