I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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