Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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