We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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