I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
