Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
