If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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