just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
