been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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