He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize