Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
