I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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