if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
