youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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