maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
