I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize