Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
