wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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