In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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