Kiss
Puke
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
