Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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