I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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