I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I will die if light touches me.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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