haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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