the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
