Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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