The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
