bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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