lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
