I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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