i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just gift wrapped bread.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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