pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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