If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
