so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
