the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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