Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
