Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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