there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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