You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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