I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
