Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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