I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
