im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
