He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
