i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
