i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
