Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
