so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
