Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
