Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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