Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
