those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
