I want to stick my p in your. b.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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