I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize