Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
