Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
