I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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