I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
