He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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