a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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