I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
