i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
