Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
