girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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