I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
