What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
