the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
