Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
