went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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