we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
