He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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