Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
