carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
