Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
