I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
