I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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