Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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