She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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