This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
