I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
