margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
