6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
