he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
