HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
